


(please, oh please) just throw it all away

by bestofwaifusbestofwomen



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Wammy's House (Death Note), oof sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestofwaifusbestofwomen/pseuds/bestofwaifusbestofwomen
Summary: Near and Mello are two halves of a whole disaster waiting to happen.
Relationships: Linda/Matt | Mail Jeevas, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29
Collections: Meronia Hanahaki Fics





	(please, oh please) just throw it all away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madmeridian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmeridian/gifts).



> @madmeridian so i heard you wanted hanahaki meronia?? haha *flings self into the sun*

The orphans of Wammy’s House whisper amongst themselves as Roger and Near return from the hospital; Roger is haggard-looking with bags under his eyes, and Near is pale and blinking slowly. Not an altogether unusual sight, but one that brings Linda barreling down the steps like some kind of freight train anyways. 

Or, at least, that’s what it looks like from the second story window, where Mello is watching the proceedings. 

“Did you want to go greet him?” asks Matt. His gaze is firmly set on his GameBoy, but his fingers are paused, hovering over the buttons. 

_ Don’t you want to go greet him, Mello? _

Linda wraps her arms around Near gingerly, not wanting to break whatever it is about him they’ve just fixed, and Near, sluggishly, brings his own up to pat her on the back. He says something to her and she pulls back, smiling. Near responds with a smile of his own, small but genuine. Present. Mello’s finger  _ ta-ta-taps  _ against the windowsill. “Why would I wanna do that?”

Matt finally glances over, eyes half-mast. “Gee, I wonder.”

Mello glares, but Matt’s already turned his focus back to his game, and when he looks back out the window, Near and the rest of the procession have reentered the building. He rolls his eyes, then sharply closes the blinds.

* * *

_ The thing is that Matt has this habit of encrypting and scrambling rumors and secrets behind his playful tone, behind the blue light shining off his goggles, his gardening-glove-clad hands. He keeps it all hidden away, except for the one thing that’s mostly an open secret by now: that Near and Mello are two halves of a whole disaster waiting to happen.  _

_ Linda puts it differently. She argues, instead —with dark pencil sketches and decisive, unflinching strokes of her paintbrush— that it’d look something more like a supernova, whatever it is that those two will make. They circle each other like stars. Duh, she adds.  _

_ Stars don’t do that, though, he points out.  _

_ Ever heard of poetry? she shoots back, then goes flustered when Matt smiles at her like daybreak. _

_ What is not a secret, nor a hushed rumor, nor whispered in the halls —rather, it’s openly gawked at, gossiped about, and “did you hear? did you hear?”— Pkah and Key and Rose and Fuel and, yes, Matt and Linda, too— they all notice when Near stops returning Mello’s glances. _

* * *

“So hey,” says Mello, because they’re partnered together for a project and, with Near having been stuck in the hospital, it was obvious that they needed to make up for lost time. That is what he’s telling himself when he catches Near by the shoulder and turns the other boy around. He stops, though, at the way Near’s gaze meets his, searching, uncertain —what reason would  _ Near _ have to ever feel  _ uncertain? _ — before blinking. 

“Oh.” Near tilts his head, and his white-haired fringe falls into charcoal-colored eyes. Unrelenting and inquisitive, the stare almost makes Mello flinch. “You must be Mello.”

And what the hell is  _ that _ supposed to mean?

* * *

_ Well.  _

_ Here’s a picture: Near sitting with his back against the wall, and his dorm room bathed in the light of a dying sunset. He clutches bloody edelweiss tight in small, pale fists, and whispers to himself, over and over, “I will not die, I will not die,  _ **_I will not die_ ** _ for someone who does not love me back.” _

* * *

It’d be easy to put the pieces together, if Mello could think, or take a steady breath, or do something other than focus on the scar that mars Near’s chest. “It’s a clever procedure,” says Near, matter-of-fact. “Minimally invasive and highly efficient.” 

Mello feels a tickling start at the back of his squeezed-shut throat. He coughs to clear it. Near quietly redoes the top three buttons of his shirt. 

They look at each other. 

Near does his curious “Near”-like half-smile. “I suppose introductions are in order?”

And Mello can’t explain the disgust that wells up in him in that moment. Just that it makes his stomach roil with nausea, just that it chokes him from the inside-out, just that it soaks his tongue in poison as he spits, “Go  _ fuck _ yourself.” 

(He can't bring himself to say much else.)

* * *

Later finds Mello holding a fistful of white violets in his hands, the petals limp with saliva. Moonlight and Matt’s concerned shouting fill the room, and Mello leans his head back against the wall; when he laughs, the sound is hollow, bitter.

* * *

.

.

.

Near and Mello have matching scars on their chests. 

**Author's Note:**

> uh. so i may have gone overboard with the purple prose ;; sorry
> 
> hanahaki is a really interesting concept!! i think its mostly about perceived unrequited love, and a lot of people write really beautiful and creative things with it,,, it does seem that no one can really decide what the surgery does besides that It's Bad so. for the purposes of this fic, i went with the surgery causing you to lose all memories of that loved one, yep yep. 
> 
> i'm not used to writing angst, so it was really challenging to try to get those impactful, emotional lines without having them sound too hammy haha!! this was also a different style of formatting/storytelling to me,,, i tried to get that "greyscale" feeling across, but lol... i do have more lighthearted meronia in the works (i also have a near-centric bachelor au with near as --you guessed it!!-- the nation's hottest new bachelor LMAO), so pls look forward to them!! (i'm really slow at writing tho orz) ...anyways i hope you all enjoyed!! pls lemme know what you think, if you can, and have an absolutely groovy day!!! byeeee
> 
> oh btw the title is from [juby's cover of patchwork staccato!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elC2uKfEKbg) i also really recommend listening to [jefferz's cover ft. k*chan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3_7yLu_XcY) as well as [lambia's cover!!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzFNogBQlUY) (and for funsies, another cover by [McKatherine ft. kagamine rin, aka the love of my life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPiDlP-m0gk) and another by [Epiaeon ft. all of miku's voicebanks haha](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-mz9WR50CU))


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